Trivialville

Note: This will be a one take review for the time being, as Chris is backed up with real-life stuff. When he's ready, he will add his two cents in. Nkay? Nkay.

I should have seen the signs. I really should have. I've seen The Goods trailer at least ten times and not in the ten times did I laugh, but you know what? I love Entourage, and by proxy, I moderately love Jeremy Piven so I was hoping that this movie was going to be at least not a regret. Plus, it was free.

If it had not been free, I'm pretty sure I would have sued the theater for damages as well as my refund. This is a trainwreck, pure and simple. The "funny" parts in the trailer are, very sadly, 99% of the best parts of the film. Yes, that's right. Outside of a really funny Will Farrell cameo that you can watch online anyway, all the stuff in the trailer is as good as it gets. So if you laughed...well, get ready to relaugh at what you saw there, and if you didn't...it gets worse. Really worse.

Jeremy Piven phones it in playing Don Ready as an Ari Gold knockoff in a vest, which I thought would work, but didn't. The supporting cast isn't much better, especially Dr. Kim (who's really starting to wear out his welcome in Hollywood) and Ed Helms who plays an unfunny wannabe boy band member who sing unfunny songs in a really unfunny parody. No one cares in this movie, and no one is trying, and it's so painfully obvious.

I don't want to just criminally slam it though, so here's some positives: the plot is okay, David Koechner (WHAMMY!) and Craig Robinson have one or two amusing lines, and the movie ends. Those are your positives.

If I were you, I would not see this unless you really wanted to see if the people behind Talladega Nights could make anything WORSE than Talladega Nights. DUKETASTROPHE.

-Jon

Trivialville Note: We are very busy being popular, so updating on specific days will not happen.

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra will never be mistaken for a film classic, to be mentioned in the same breath as Citizen Kane or Gandhi or some random boring foreign film most critics stroke themselves to. GI Joe is loud, it’s gaudy, it’s lame as all hell, and the CGI is bad enough to where it’s extremely noticeable. All negative points aside…GI Joe is worth every penny I (would have) spent on it.

I by no means expected a masterpiece. If you think GI Joe was going to get Dark Knight Treatment, then you aren’t considering the source material: the cartoon we all fondly remember was created to sell toys. That’s it; all it was meant for was to get kids to bug their parents to bring them to Child World or Toys R Us and buy up every 3 inch figure and each team’s base. In the years since the show has been out, it has gained a loyal fanbase, and as with every fanbase, people got rabid and they began to take it seriously.

If you are one of those fanboys: do not, I repeat DO NOT, leave your parent’s basement. You will hate it, you will whine about it, and you will curse the name of Stephen Sommers for years to come. For those of us who aren’t like that, who can shut their brains off and enjoy the ride, you will love this movie. It’s filled with enough action to keep you interested, and the actors themselves don’t suck as bad as you’d think (with the exception of Marlon Wayans, but that was a given he was gonna suck). Christopher Eccelson (of Doctor Who fame and The Seeker infamy) is especially great as the not quite Destro yet MacCullum, the head of the Cobra group. He definitely deserves a true career in the film business and hopefully he will have one at some point…if he avoids any possible sequel to The Seeker.

Here’s my opinion: if you want mindless fun, spend your money on this movie. It’s stupid, but it’s crazy enough to be entertaining. Plus, look at it this way: it isn’t Transformers 2. If that isn’t reason enough to go for all of you, then all hope is lost and I banish you back into your cellar, with your crazy computer, your action figures, and you’re lack of hygiene.

Verdict = See It

-Jon

If you are expecting to get any reminiscent bliss of waking up on Saturday morning eating Bill and Ted cereal and watching your favorite animated secret operations team by seeing the G.I. Joe movie then please allow me to crush your dreams! The only thing the movie and what you may or may not remember from the cartoon of years past is some character names and a couple catch phrases. Everything else is completely fresh hip clutch and cool for the new tech savy generation of Joe fans.

The film is in the typical origins style that we know so well from the comic book movies that we've seen, which I have nothing against it acctually makes for an interesting take on the franchise. In a nutshell the plot revolves around Cobra hijacking a dangerous new weapon being transported by the Joes. That would be good and plenty if it weren't for the fact that Cobra already has the new technology and has been implementing it already and could easily use their other resources to do damage to the world; but then there'd be no plot at all so I'll let it slide.

The movie plays out like an hour and a half toy commercial. The Joes just happen to have a special device to get them out of every sticky situation they end up in, and you can bet they will be available at your local big box retailer for only $16.99! “What's that? We need to chase a car? Well fuck using our cars we'll give you these bad ass robot suits that make you run really fast and impervious to all danger”. And my personal favorite “Oh no! We needed some vital information from this dead bad guy, shit. Oh wait! I'll just stick these chop sticks hooked up to a game boy into his scull and we can read images from his mind and get the information we need hooray”!

To sum it all up the movie will get you no nostalgic satisfaction what so ever but if you just want to go and see some cool fights and explosions then by all means this is your movie. I recommend not spending any money on the film but if you can see it for free go for it.  

-Chris

Synopsis (taken from IMDB.com)
George Simmons (Adam Sandler) is a very successful yet self-involved stand-up comedian who learns that he has an incurable blood disorder and is given less than a year to live. Ira Wright (Weiner is his actual last name) (Seth Rogen) is a struggling up-and-coming stand-up comedian who works at a deli and has yet to figure out his onstage persona. One thing these different men have in common is that neither of them have any close friends. One night, George takes notice of Ira when they perform at the same club and he hires him to be his semi-personal assistant and opening act at his performances. George and Ira form a close bond as George teaches Ira how to win the crowd and Ira helps the dying George find closure in his legacy. However, when George learns that his disease has gone into remission and an old flame (Leslie Mann) reenters his life, his recent near death experience inspires him to reevaluate what is important to him and what truly gives meaning to his life.

Funny People defiantly lives up to it's name because it does in fact feature a ton of funny people, they just aren't being as funny as they should be. Granted it is a dramedy but come on. With a cast that includes Adam Sandler, Seth Rogan, and a cameo from just about every relevant comedian in the past ten years you would think they could come up with a wider array of jokes. Don't get me wrong I love a good dick joke every now and again but literally eighty five percent of the jokes involved balls or man on man cock sucking, oh and Seth Rogan is still jewish just in case you forgot.

You will get double your investment on your ticket seeing as the plot plays out like a double feature. One and a half hours of a young comedian's shot of a life time to befriend a comedy icon and another hour and a half of Seth Rogan and Adam Sandler yelling at each other via dick jokes in Sandler's ex's house.

Don't get me wrong I know I sound like I'm ripping this movie a new asshole but it is actually pretty good just don't expect to laugh your ass off or feel any real emotions for the characters during the serious parts. It does have some funny jokes when they are not about dicks and the acting is actually pretty good, not that it's really a stretch for anyone but I have to say something nice.

Over all I say wait until it's available at Wal-Mart sharing a three pack with “Going Overboard” and “The Longest Yard”.

-Chris

Judd freaking Apatow. When he busted onto the movie scene in 2005 after a critically (but often canceled) TV career, I doubt anyone expected his name to pop up everywhere. In addition to his two previous films, 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up, he has produced or co-wrote seemingly every decent (and not so decent) comedy to come out in the past four years. The simple fact is, he is everywhere, like a gnat but a gnat with a sense of humor. His third film as a director, Funny People, has a great cast and a pretty decent plot, with enough heart to break him out of the dirty comedy realm and bring him to a more mainstream, maybe even award winning area in his career. However, when it comes to the actual movie, it falls apart.

First off, it’s too long. While the case can be made that his previous two efforts were also lengthy, they did not feel that way. With Funny People, you feel it about twenty minutes in. The film feels like it is lacking direction, like it wants to be a serious film, but at the same time make crude jokes. While there may be a mix somewhere, this is not it. Because of this, it is hard to get invested in the story, because for every dramatic breakthrough, there is a horribly tacked on dick joke or sex joke thrown in. The jokes, usually the bright parts, become distracting.

The cast is top-notch for the most part: Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, and even Mrs. Apatow do really well in this movie. However, Jason Schwartzman sticks out like a sore thumb. Sure, he is supposed to be the dick (he plays the only comedian in the group with a steady job on TV), but he feels so out of place in the group. I think the audience as a whole has grown too accustomed to the Apatow group of actors that anyone else feels wedged in.

The worst problem of the film is the fact that it feels like two movies. In the beginning, George (Adam Sandler) is dying and the film revolves around he and Seth’s character Ira getting close and him making the most of his days. Then, all of a sudden he is almost cured (not a spoiler, it’s in the trailer) and it becomes George trying to get his old fiancé back (Mrs. Apatow, with the mini-Apatows getting the benefit of nepotism). It does not connect and the second half drags down any of the good that the first half had.

All in all, do not see this if you’re expecting another 40 Year Old Virgin or Knocked Up. It is nothing like it. It is a drama that wants to be funny and a comedy that wants to be taken seriously and because of it, it never finds its true footing. However, there may be enough to either see it in a matinee or a rental. Regardless, Apatow has set the bar low for his fourth directorial stint, so maybe this was a good thing. Too bad he didn’t use any of his good on such a wonderful cast and idea.

-Jon